Not good enough…

Even with friends you’ll get insecure about some stuffs. You’ll get insecure because they’re prettier than you. Have Better voice than yours. Or even if they’re taller than you. You can’t tell yourself not to feel that way cause they are your friends. Instead you’ll do the oppossite.

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Just like in my case, I’ve got this close friend of mine, which is also my seatmate. We eat lunch and snacks together. We do anything together. She’s the perfect person to do stupid things with you. But these days Im feeling down because of her. last Satursay, We both tried out for badminton. She made it until the final round while I was until 2nd round. I can’t remember what date it was but anyways,
We also tried to join Pacesetter. We subnitted our entry like long time ago and Earlier this morning, she received a letter from the pacesetter. She is now officially The News Writter of the school. While I didn’t got picked. I admit, I was jealous. As she read the letter while others are shouting congratulations to her, I was just standing by her side. I eventually didn’t know what to do. Should I be thankful because my friend got accepted or should I be mad because it wasn’t me? There were a lot of queations piled up in my head. But instead I just smiled and acted normal. Early in the morning I started to be moody.

Now Im feeling this feeling, that NOT GOOD ENOUGH FEELING. She’s a good dancer. Good at speaking Tagalog. Good at socializing with people. Pretty. Famous. And I know if I let my classmates or even other people to choose between Me and her, they will eventually choose her. Im more like THE oppossite of her.

I keep telling myself that I should not fucking feel this fucking feeling but… I don’t know… I just can’t.

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News Writting?

So today, I entered Our school’s pacesetter, with Myles and other classmates of mine. There was a big part of me wanted to Go and try it out but the other part is saying No you can’t do it. But for the sake of me, finding my own skill ( If I ever have one..)  Writting has been my hobby since ..uh.. a long time ago (I really can’t remember) But anyway, We are told to Make an Article about SAP launching Or The first day of school. We can choose between the two. But what’s bugging me is HOw can you make a news article ’bout that? I mean, Is it like this? Or just like one on the newspaper? Maybe. I’m new to this. Im not used to this. I write like free style. But what if I got accepted and I will receive an allowance of 900+ monthly. I could buy many books with that amount of money. *sigh* Any of you guys can share tips? It would be very helpful for me.

Bliss and Sorrow

Lovesome Girl ♥:

Y’all should read this post. Just a quick 1 or 2 minutes :D

Originally posted on The Significant Other:

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You were my bliss and you were my sorrow.
You have given me sadness but you promised me a tomorrow.
I may be chosen but I’m just one of those few
whom you can play with, whom you can chew.

More often than not, you’ve been my motivation
to be good, to be rude and to be in oblivion.
You scrubbed me clean and yet I’m still covered with filth.
You cleansed me whole but I’m splattered with guilt.

You touched my heart but you slapped my face.
You embraced me tight but in between us is this painful space.
You have given me strength but you’re making me weak.
You made me numb but it’s always you that I seek.

You were my light and you were my darkness.
You kept me sane but you made me swim in an ocean of madness.
You walked with me and you…

View original 15 more words

How long will I love you?

First of all, Happy 4th of July! Second, Hey! Im back! It’s been a week or so since my last blog. Been lazy to type ,besides its School days, Im stuck with my Diary hehehe so yeah I’ve been writting. Talking about writting, I made a fiction story ,Romance/ Comedy which is written in ma notebook and when my friends read it they were like”oh my gosh,Rachel! Update right now!” I was thinking are they telling the truth? Or they’re just messing with me? But they said they’re telling the truth so I updated and they like it again. But now hehehe me being lazy its updated until chapter 2 only :>

Anyway, I thought I already move on. But the feelings I had for him came back. Or maybe I was just pretending that I already forgot him and call myself Miss Moved on? *sigh* 1 week when school started, That first time I saw him again, its like gosh I missed him so much! But its really unfair when you missed someone but that someone doesn’t give a fuck about you. It fucking sucks!! I know our story was not like Couple “story” instead, its just a simple story where a girl fell inlove with a guy that doesn’t feels the same. But it doesn’t mean you can easily forget me. I mean, I was always there for you no matter what ,DON’T FORGET THAT! But With all of that, I don’t know why I still like him, knowing that he even doesn’t care.

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Ok, enough with the DRAMA. I should really get some sleep.
-How long will I love you-

Awkward moment…

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Oh my gosh! That was so awkward! I don’t believe it could happen in real life ,but fuck, it did! You know that scenaro where  guy and a girl accidentaly meets face to face while walking and awkwardly trying to move to the left and right but they always do the same. AHHHHHH!! I don’t know why I feel this way again. Lately, Every time we walked passed each other I can’t help but smile a little. Not the smile before. I sometimes act fierce. Pretending I didn’t saw him or didn’t give a fuck about his presense.

Anyways, First 2 weeks of school went pretty great. I’ve notice my confidence got higher than before. I hope this will continue. So yeah, Gotta go. PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS : THE SEA OF MONSTERS is about to start! I’ve watch this many times already but it never fails to bore me! Maybe because of LOGAN LERMAN!!!!! hahaha Bye :)

:)

Happiness?

Lately, I’ve been thinking about joining Popjazz for Intrams and Zumba for my school club but the problem is Im having second thoughts. I really love to dance, I really like to learn to dance better. Its just that, This is my first time to try it. last year I planned to join popjazz but when I saw the moves, DAMN! It was FUCKING fast. So I didn’t joined. And a month later, I regret my decision! *sigh* Weird fact about me : I do zumba ALONE in the bathroom while taking a bath. Hahaha. Why? I really don’t know. I guess Im too shy or scared of ma relatives reaction or expression when they see me dancing girly moves. Im afraid they’ll laugh because Im the type of girl who they thought isn’t into  those things. Im not girly like other girls. Im living with a aunt and a grandma of mine that gives Insulting comments or jokes like “You’re not pretty, Ugly hahahah, and a lot more” I know its just a joke but, for the record it hurts. I just act normal and pretend I don’t give a fuck about what y’all saying. And when everytime they comment nice things about me, I don’t know if they’re saying the truth or its just another joke.  I also live with two sisters of mine and guess what, The two of them are damn gorg and models. They always join paggents and won. While Im in the crowd with ma other relatives chanting their names ,jumping whenever they won, clap and clap and clap And.. CLAP! But deep inside I feel Insecure. Why am I not as gorg like them? Why am I not like them? Why? Why? Why? WHY?! I want to feel what their feeling everytime they get compliments whenever someone tells them how beautiful they are. I want to feel that For once, IM TOTALLY A GIRL. a girl that wears dress, skirts, heels. Im sick and tired of pants, shirts, and shorts and dollshoes. I want to try something new. I want to see my reflection in the mirror and say “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD BE A GIRL”.

I write and blog because in these ways I can tell or even just express what im feeling. Anger, Happiness,Sadness, whatsoever. I hope they’ll read this tho. But I doubt that will ever happen.

For now im really confuse. Should I join or not? What if I don’t get accepted to popjazz? Zumba’s ok ’cause its just a club.

I watch  Jc Caylen’s videos like all the time And what I love about him is the way he tells his viewers to do what makes you happy,  Live above expectations.

That two lines gave me a dose of confidence to DO WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY ^^

School? Eh Ima Rant and dream **

Ok, I know my last blog is a “Rant” about school saying i fricking hate the sectioning and whatsoever. This blog is about school again. More like a second RANT about it. Y’all can’t blame me. I mean i like going to school ’cause i want to escape my HOUSE life. You know, do wierd things with your friends. Having fun. And whatever sophomore teens do. I like to learn but not like everyday tho, I totally need a break.

Don’t get me started about the “teachers”.
Like 98% of why I or we students fail your test ’cause you teach us in a boring way. Have y’all heard about “Humor”?. I like teachers who teach the students in a entertaining or Fun way but on the other note, he/she use that joke for an example. You know, drop some dose of FUN thats all we ask and we will listen to what the hell you’re talking about. Don’t get to serious like we’re in a court room.

Anyways, let’s not get off limits. Maybe there’s a teacher or some directors reading this and I’ll be in trouble. I don’t like to offend y’all thats just how i feel and i like to express it. Cause you know me, if i can’t express what i feel, in writing, typing, or whatsoever , its like 80% part of me will *BOOM* explodes ^^

Also a while ago, i was scrolling down on my twitter and saw a tweet from our school student body assosiation. Some girl from our school ask them if they could post the real list of sections for this school year, they answered it’ll be up on monday. I was like, what the frick!? Why would they post a TENTATIVE  list if they will make a FINAL list of sections on monday. The tentative list was post like long time ago. All of the students saw their names and the sections and thought its fricking final!!. Me,Myself already wrote at the sides of ma books that fricking section and guess what if you change ma section THE STUPID SECTION I WROTE ON THE SIDE OF MY BOOKS USING PERMANENT MARKER WITH THE WORD ” PERMANENT ” IT CAN’T BE EARSE. SO I HAVE TO BLACKEN THE WRONG SECTION AND FUCKING CHANGE IT TO YOUR GIVEN “FINAL” SECTION!! YOU KNOW WHAT, THATS NOT GOOD TO LOOK AT!! ITS DIRTY TO LOOK AT!! IMAGINE IT! ITS  LIKE I STOLE THE BOOK AND BLACKEN THE NAME OF THE OWNER WRITTEN ON THE SIDE OF THE BOOK! *mentally stab your face with a spoon* Its not that i like my section, what the fuck are you talking about, if thats the case , i would choose to die instead of being in that section. Being in a star section where all the smart-ass people is like being in a contest against the smartest Human being in this world. Im just an average girl. I got good grades Im contented to it. who won’t be? Smart-ass people be like ” what! I only got a 99/100?!! Thats very SMALL!!! Ima cry!!”
Fuck you! If i was you and i got that i would go straight to ma parents, showed them the paper and ask for a reward *sigh*

  Ok, ima chill right now. So yeah, as i was saying. I haven’t blog quite a while. I’d planned to blog everyday but when my phone is already in my hand the thought of ” Eh, what would be my blog about? My day is boring” I was about to blog yesterday ’cause some girl pissed the frick out of me but then A voice told my mind that it’ll be boring. The other day also I was about to blog about how my stomach was very happy ’cause  pizza and lasagna went for a visit and they met.But then again the thought of it being very boring occured. So yeah, here i am typing this blog using my thumbs and ending it right about now. Cya tomrrow. Ima sleep its getting late. PEACE AND SMILE :))

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KEEP ON DREAMING^^
P.S : EVERYTIME IM GOING TO BED IM REALLY EXCITED TO DREAM HEHEHEHE····DON’T FRICKING JUDGE *SNAPS FINGERS*