Have you ever felt that feeling when you see him from afar? That can’t stop staring, can’t stop wondering if he’s staring back to you too. That heart melting , wide eyes feeling? Like for a moment your heart suddenly stopped. Not that heart-stopping moment when you dropped your phone on a street canal, seeing your phone almost on the water. Im talking about that UNDESCRIBABLE feeling you get when you see him. It’s like suddenly the world stopped revolving on its stupid orbit. All you can see is him. Like fuck everything Im contented now. Or that scene in the movies where a girl gets out of the classroom but when she turns around she sees HIM. She stops for a second, turns around and walks back to her classroom. Trust me, that scene happened in real life. MY life. I thought it only happens in movies. But it did. Unfortunately, it did. Just this afternoon. After that so-called-“INCIDENT” I was like why did I fucking do that!? I shouldn’t have put my books earlier so when that happened I could have drop them like, intentionally, so he could help me pick it up. Like in romantic movies. Your hand meets his .Looking at each others eyes. But sadly I only have my bag, I thought of dropping my bag for him to help me pick it up. But that would only make me look like an idiot. I mean, droping my bag? Seriously, a dumbass way to get the attention of your crush. But that moment when I saw him, his eyes were turning left to right, or like avoiding my presence. But when he really looked at me, that was the time my heart stopped, I stopped breathing ( seriously) my eyes got wide and then I found myself walking back to our classroom. Myles shouted “WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!?” And approached me. I sat on the floor and burried my head on my cold, trembling ,sweat hands. I asked myself why I did many times. Thinking about it made me weak. Or sleepy. Not in the mood of doing any fucking thing. Honestly, I hate thinking about it but it’s like my mind was against me and always replying the scene.
I guess that in love or puppy love or whatsoever, your heart is in charge. Even if you think of what will you do when you two meet, for sure you will forget it. You can’t make a script in advance about your conversations you’ll have with him. You will forget all of it the moment you saw him. His smile. His smrik. All. Love is a crazy thing. Love is tricky. Confusing. It can be a medicine but it can also be the reason of your pain. It can make you feel like you’re on cloud nine but also it can make you feel like you’re on the deepest part of hell. But to love you have to take a risk. To love and be loved is the greatest feeling of all the history of greatest feelings .EVER.
Messing with my favorite fandom? Do that and I’ll rip your throat out. Stab your fucking heart with a spoon. And difinetly, I will turn you whole life into a living hell.
I’m a big fan of PERCY JACKSON AND HEROES OF OLYMPIS SERIES. So if You ever mess with the chacters, movie and whatso-fucking-ever, better tell your teddy bear to please come alive to protect you because the whole fandom will unite, go straight to your house and murder you. Got that?! GOOD.
( Sorry ’bout the disgraceful words but I wrote this because I saw two videoes on youtube “Everything wrong with Percy Jackson and the lightning thief” and ” Everything wrong with Percy jackson:The sea of monsters. I Watched it and damn! Their reasons why they hate the movie didn’t made any fucking sense! Like , excuse me! You dumbass should read the book first before you start talking. Urghh! Gets me to ma nerves like, URGHH!!)
Even with friends you’ll get insecure about some stuffs. You’ll get insecure because they’re prettier than you. Have Better voice than yours. Or even if they’re taller than you. You can’t tell yourself not to feel that way cause they are your friends. Instead you’ll do the oppossite.
Just like in my case, I’ve got this close friend of mine, which is also my seatmate. We eat lunch and snacks together. We do anything together. She’s the perfect person to do stupid things with you. But these days Im feeling down because of her. last Satursay, We both tried out for badminton. She made it until the final round while I was until 2nd round. I can’t remember what date it was but anyways,
We also tried to join Pacesetter. We subnitted our entry like long time ago and Earlier this morning, she received a letter from the pacesetter. She is now officially The News Writter of the school. While I didn’t got picked. I admit, I was jealous. As she read the letter while others are shouting congratulations to her, I was just standing by her side. I eventually didn’t know what to do. Should I be thankful because my friend got accepted or should I be mad because it wasn’t me? There were a lot of queations piled up in my head. But instead I just smiled and acted normal. Early in the morning I started to be moody.
Now Im feeling this feeling, that NOT GOOD ENOUGH FEELING. She’s a good dancer. Good at speaking Tagalog. Good at socializing with people. Pretty. Famous. And I know if I let my classmates or even other people to choose between Me and her, they will eventually choose her. Im more like THE oppossite of her.
I keep telling myself that I should not fucking feel this fucking feeling but… I don’t know… I just can’t.
So today, I entered Our school’s pacesetter, with Myles and other classmates of mine. There was a big part of me wanted to Go and try it out but the other part is saying No you can’t do it. But for the sake of me, finding my own skill ( If I ever have one..) Writting has been my hobby since ..uh.. a long time ago (I really can’t remember) But anyway, We are told to Make an Article about SAP launching Or The first day of school. We can choose between the two. But what’s bugging me is HOw can you make a news article ’bout that? I mean, Is it like this? Or just like one on the newspaper? Maybe. I’m new to this. Im not used to this. I write like free style. But what if I got accepted and I will receive an allowance of 900+ monthly. I could buy many books with that amount of money. *sigh* Any of you guys can share tips? It would be very helpful for me.
First of all, Happy 4th of July! Second, Hey! Im back! It’s been a week or so since my last blog. Been lazy to type ,besides its School days, Im stuck with my Diary hehehe so yeah I’ve been writting. Talking about writting, I made a fiction story ,Romance/ Comedy which is written in ma notebook and when my friends read it they were like”oh my gosh,Rachel! Update right now!” I was thinking are they telling the truth? Or they’re just messing with me? But they said they’re telling the truth so I updated and they like it again. But now hehehe me being lazy its updated until chapter 2 only :>
Anyway, I thought I already move on. But the feelings I had for him came back. Or maybe I was just pretending that I already forgot him and call myself Miss Moved on? *sigh* 1 week when school started, That first time I saw him again, its like gosh I missed him so much! But its really unfair when you missed someone but that someone doesn’t give a fuck about you. It fucking sucks!! I know our story was not like Couple “story” instead, its just a simple story where a girl fell inlove with a guy that doesn’t feels the same. But it doesn’t mean you can easily forget me. I mean, I was always there for you no matter what ,DON’T FORGET THAT! But With all of that, I don’t know why I still like him, knowing that he even doesn’t care.
Ok, enough with the DRAMA. I should really get some sleep.
-How long will I love you-
Oh my gosh! That was so awkward! I don’t believe it could happen in real life ,but fuck, it did! You know that scenaro where guy and a girl accidentaly meets face to face while walking and awkwardly trying to move to the left and right but they always do the same. AHHHHHH!! I don’t know why I feel this way again. Lately, Every time we walked passed each other I can’t help but smile a little. Not the smile before. I sometimes act fierce. Pretending I didn’t saw him or didn’t give a fuck about his presense.
Anyways, First 2 weeks of school went pretty great. I’ve notice my confidence got higher than before. I hope this will continue. So yeah, Gotta go. PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS : THE SEA OF MONSTERS is about to start! I’ve watch this many times already but it never fails to bore me! Maybe because of LOGAN LERMAN!!!!! hahaha Bye :)